[raven]

Originally Posted by Aestivate

Has anyone borrowed it from a library?

I'd like to but they don't have it neither....I could request a copy. I might do that...I'm still trying to work out if I want to read it that's the thing. I could request one and by the time that turns up I may have made up my mind. There's a plan.

Originally Posted by vaiden

I do like the theory someone suggested above about Richey not wanting to admit to an attempt as I guess he may have seen that as a weakness? I have always thought what he said about his mind trying to subject his body to more than it could handle was such bullshit explaining nothing.

Originally Posted by handbag

This sounds like a Dear Diary or Tumblr post, but I understand this and I've spoken with others who've been in the same frame of mind. Maybe nothing to do with Richey's motives for saying it, but at a certain point a person can feel so little respect for the body and life that they purposely do things that could lead to death without the actual intention of suicide.

.....

It's difficult to put into words, but it's a kind of compulsion. It's not a suicide attempt, but something that you do could take your life but you just don't care. It's not even a cry for help because in that low you feel there's no hope whatever help is offered.

I can see that. I can see also why precisely because of that the aftermath can seem forever unresolved because even when you know for sure the person has ended their life circumstances mean you can never resolve the question of their intent. I remember, to speak of another rock God, the news of Jeff Buckley's death being particularly hard because that seemed to be a classic case of what you describe. It also brings to mind the biography of 'Stuart' by Alexander Masters....the circumstances of his death didn't seem entirely clear as to whether he had become set on ending his life or just got past taking care.
It depends how you look at it but it's the nature of depression isn't it, in its worst state to get to that state ...it's... I don't know.... we tend to think of suicide as a deliberate act that's planned but it can also be the end result of an illness of depression. You've not entirely consciously chosen to end your life but that's the result of your illness.

To me, I feel Richey's response - the idea that he was stronger, that suicide is the weaker option...I don't think he was bullshitting though he clearly didn't want to talk about it it's a natural response but I think it is/was a dangerous attitude because it disregards the nature of the illness - you may think you're stronger but the illness can turn out to be. If that makes sense. You're actually not in control, far from it and that is a really hard thing to face up to

Originally Posted by Bryter Layter

That's the thing though, I don't think he did. I think in his mind, he really thought himself repulsive which is probably why he was constantly obsessed with his physical appearance. I think that's also why he liked hanging with the young groupies that fawned over him because they probably, in an altogether messed up way, built up what little self-esteem he had. Honestly, it's pretty apparent when you read his letters to friends, particularly females he was interested in, he really didn't like himself at all. I feel like I understand a lot more now why he didn't become involved seriously with anyone. He was tormented by the thought that they would find someone better because he wasn't good enough. Poor bugger!

Hmmmn I still think he knew he wasn't at all bad looking He wasn't averse to the camera But that's not the same as feeling you're worthy of love, the surface is only superficial in many ways. And, I don't know, but so much of his behaviours seemed to be about self control, he might dismiss the not eating as not wanting to put on weight whilst he was drinking so much, doing stupid numbers of press ups etc...it's not vanity that though is it, it's gone way beyond it's a form of self control, trying to reach some sort of ideal....you'll never reach.
I have wondered if being nicknamed Teddy as a kid helped....I'm not saying that's the root cause or assigning blame but just when/if as a child you're made aware of your appearance especially at or around the same time you start to be aware that appearance matters (yep I know it really doesn't but Society doesn't agree....) it can get in your head and take root. Not that that alone would explain everything....or we'd all be in serious trouble ha...but lots of things can come together, tangle up, coincide, get fixed in your head...
He was vain in short but not because he thought he was God's gift to erm fans or something....not that that was entirely about vanity when it opens you up to the kind of people who would offer a set of knives as a gift...how degrading is that. He should have told them to go fuck themselves.

I do think many of us would be much better if we could only learn to say No more often and to say go fuck yourself not quite as often but have that in reserve... and say it loud.....